Sunday, September 25, 2011

I. Feel. Awful.

Could this be my Kryptonite?
So in spite of the fact that earlier this evening I posted this little fan-dango, things have changed.

I wasn't going to write this, but like I promised, no matter what, good or bad, I'm going to keep this whole process as real as possible, and what is real right now is I FEEL HORRIBLE.

I made my earlier post after having a pretty serious "cheat day".  I'm almost embarrassed to admit what we did, but at the time it just seemed like it was all in good fun.  We also started eating at like 2pm, so the fact that we were stretching out eating over the course of the entire day made it somehow seem less "bad" for us... not sure of that logic now that I'm saying it out loud....

We ordered a whole party-platter triple dipper from Chili's, along with a rack of ribs with french fries.  We ate it over the course of two football games (gotta love Sundays).  It didn't all get eaten, and honestly, it was after eating only that when I made this previous post.  I was being honest then.  I didn't feel bad, guilty, anything like that. We had food left over so I was proud of myself for not feeling the need to give in to my "clean the plate" syndrome.  I was fine.

I was fine until we decided to add dessert to the mix.  I know that I am to blame for what I did.  I should have just said no.  I was already full, why did I feel the need to add dessert?!  I was just going to get a small bag of peanut m&m's because even though at the time I wasn't craving sweets (should have just listened to myself here), I knew my boyfriend wanted dessert and he wouldn't have let himself get what he wanted if I didn't have something too.  So a small bag of peanut m&m's was going to be my way of getting dessert without going overboard.... until I hit the ice cream aisle.

Long story short, instead of going home with a dessert that would have been 278 calories, I left with a pint of regret costing me 1120 calories!!!  Now I'm full to the point of discomfort and in such emotional distress that I got out of bed to write this, because yes, it's midnight and I'm laying in bed feeling fat, bloated, uncomfortable, and pumped full of guilt and regret.  I'm remembering how much I hate this feeling.

Maybe this is a good thing.  Maybe I needed this reminder of just how horrible I feel when I eat like this.  My body feels like it's disgusted with me.  Funny thing is... I didn't even enjoy it the way I thought I would.  It was tasty, but could I have eaten a fraction of it and still felt satisfied with that? YES.  I need to learn to listen to myself... really listen to myself.

I'm going to go lay back in bed now.  I'm so full and uncomfortable that I can't even fall asleep :(  I really feel like crying right now.  I hate feeling like this!  I hope that next time I go to indulge in the desires of a compulsive over eater that I go back and read this and listen to my own advice. 

It's not worth it.

xoxo Pretty T

1 comment:

  1. cheer up!!! it was one day, now just get right back on the horse!! u can do it!! and put 15-20 min more on ur workout!!! :-D